4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
