I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
