Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
