He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
