i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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