A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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