dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
