i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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