Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
