giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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