Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
