i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
