I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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