so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
