we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize