He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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