Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize