his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize