I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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