so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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