Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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