all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
