apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
