Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
