I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize