this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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