i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
