yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
