new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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