I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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