Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
