I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
