i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
