wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
