this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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