I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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