Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
