Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
