We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
