I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
