So drunk its hurt
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
