ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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