One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
