Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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