My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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