Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
