I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
