brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
