I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sext me about skeletons
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
