Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
