I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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