a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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