So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
