People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize