I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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