she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
