I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
