naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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