I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
