I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
