I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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