I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
