I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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