I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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