you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize