He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
