Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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