C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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