we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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