Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
