So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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