Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
