I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
