On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize