my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
