At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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