Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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