Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
