So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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