i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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