Christians are straight up FREAKS
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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