dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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