so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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