i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
