I am midnight drunk by noon
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
