he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
