Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
