M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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