If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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