i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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