She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
