Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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