my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
