I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
