I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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