Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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