Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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