I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
