forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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