What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
