Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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